Of course you can meet your Mr or Mrs Right at an early stage in your life, but it’s fair to say it tends to become an exception nowadays! If you’re single and wondering if something’s wrong with you, keep reading. It might just be the timing is not right for you to meet someone yet.
Everyone has a different theory when it comes to love but I personally believe there is no “unique soulmate”. It’s romantic to think there is only one person in the entire world meant to be with you but if it was true, it would be pretty much impossible to meet them in a lifetime. May I remind you we’re currently almost 8,000,000,000 people on Earth? Even if you have non-negotiable criteria such as sexual orientation or religion for example, your chances of bumping into your unique soulmate would be close to zero. This pragmatic approach means you make your own definition of “the one”.
Not the right partner… Or not the right time
I was just about to turn 30 when I ended a difficult relationship. To me, it was a blessing, not a fatality. I didn’t know for how long I was going to be single but at the time it didn’t really matter. One day, a Pakistani colleague of mine told me: “You should get married soon, you’re almost 30 now”. He wasn’t trying to tease me, he said that seriously and with good intentions. He met his wife on his wedding day when his parents thought it was about time for him to marry someone. They simply learned how to grow affection towards each other with time. I told him I didn’t want anyone to choose who I would spend my life with, but he didn’t seem to understand.
In a way, religion is the key to lower rates of divorce. A marriage has a spiritual meaning to religious people that makes them more resilient when working through relationship issues. But arranged marriages are not for everyone, and choosing your own partner comes at a price. Because there is a difference between what you want and what you need, and it’s very easy to get confused between the two. I only knew one thing for certain: if I ever got married, it was only going to happen when I found the right partner, not when it was the right time.
Your attitude towards life matters
Before meeting Mr Right, I was single for almost 3 years. I’m convinced this period of my life taught me so much about myself that I was finally ready to meet him. I kept saying I would rather be single than with the wrong person and I meant it. I had a lot of fun, made new friends, went to many parties without holding back, I flourished and I finally felt connected with myself. My level of self-confidence increased, I felt free of drama and didn’t miss the arguments that happened regularly in my previous relationships. You can’t control when you’ll meet someone who will make you want to settle. But you can definitely choose to be happy until you do. It might happen later than you anticipated but chances are your relationship will be more likely to be a success story.
Why it’s important to enjoy being single
- You learn a lot about yourself and discover how you deal with situations on your own.
- The way you react to any life event is not influenced by anyone else.
- You learn new skills because you can’t rely on a partner to split tasks.
- You’re more likely to regularly form new friendships rather than falling into a routine.
- You get to understand better what you want, need and value in life.
- No one is holding you back: you do what you want, whenever you want to.
- You can take the time you need to heal over things and fully embrace your emotions.
- Being single doesn’t mean being lonely, you learn how to enjoy your own company.
- You have more free time that you can spend with friends.
- It’s way better to be single than in a toxic relationship destined for failure.
- You can focus on your own happiness and it’s okay to be selfish!
Being married and wishing to be single is the worst situation you could be in. Hence why it’s so important to make the most of your single period, so you can learn enough about yourself to eventually settle with the right person. It’s important to have a clean start for the next important chapter of your life!
A few tips on how to be happy alone
To get you started:
- Don’t compare yourself with others.
- Detach yourself from social media – a detox might be needed.
- Let your mind wander without distractions, and see where it takes you!
- Enjoy travelling and discovering new places on your own (if you have the time and budget), or simply sit in a coffee shop and soak in your surroundings.
- Go for a run or hit the gym regularly, endorphins are known to make people feel happier.
- Go outside and spend time with nature, feel the breeze on your face.
- Dance like no one’s watching to your favourite music! (neighbours permitting)
- Self-care is an obvious one: linger in a bath, make yourself a face mask, give yourself a proper break.
- Always dreamt of doing something creative? Just do it! Now is the time to step outside your comfort zone. Enrol in a class if it’s easier, plus you’ll meet new like-minded people.
- Make plans, fill that calendar up with cool and exciting stuff!
In the long run:
- Don’t get yourself stuck in a routine. Shake things up by reorganising your space, declutter, find new places to go to, etc.
- Nurture relationships with family and friends: take the time to have meaningful conversations with them.
- Pay a lot of attention to your health, whether mentally or physically. Make sure you have a balanced diet, exercise regularly and get plenty of sleep.
- Make long-term plans and ask yourself where you want to be in 5-10 years, personally and professionally. What do you need to do to accomplish these goals?
- Write down all the things you feel grateful for in your life…
Your relationship status is not what defines your happiness. If you want to be in a happy relationship, you first need to be happy on your own. Love yourself first so you can truly love someone else. It could also be that you realise you’re happier on your own than in a relationship, and that’s a choice you’re fully entitled to make. But don’t fall into the trap of listening to what society (and social media?) think is best for you!
Big Girl x